A vicious cycle

It’s been a rough weekend. One of our worst honestly. Not one I really want to have in the memory banks. Life is not always peaches and cream, even around here. Stress has a way of lashing out in unexpected ways. 😕 I am thankful the kids were here to provide some normalcy. I will greatly miss them next weekend when Randy is back home and not feeling well. The first time around was really unpleasant, but I had kids around to help out.

I am so very tired. My whole being is tired. Weary is such a good word. By definition: exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness. That nails it on the head. All of me is exhausted. Except in the middle of the night when I wake up, my brain goes into overdrive and then I can’t fall back to sleep for several hours. And the cycle of tiredness goes around and around. I’m trying to figure out ways to deal with the new normal. Things obviously aren’t going back to the way they were. But I feel like everything has gone out of control and it’s so busy and I need space. And I need quiet. I need alone time. It’s like part of me is shriveling up in a dark corner because I haven't had time to really paint or be alone. Not just the little stones and such that I’m trying to keep up with selling. There is so much more inside that needs to come out. For me it’s a release of emotions I guess. It’s how I find balance with dealing with reality and finding peace.

One more night. 12 more hours. We leave at 8:45 in the morning to have him in Rochester by 10:30. He will be in surgery by the time I get back home, hopefully. All we can do is pray. And pray. And pray.